On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
