the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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