is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
