How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
