I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
