I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
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