if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Randomize
