Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize