I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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