i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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