Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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