I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
