walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Randomize
