Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
