You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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