I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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