In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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