my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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