Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
