why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
