i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
