I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
