eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
