Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
