Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
