i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
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