I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Randomize
