covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
