If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
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