i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
