It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
