can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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