thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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