How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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