I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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