sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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