new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
