He disabled his match.com account in front of me
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
