I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
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the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
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My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I need a beard to bite.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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