We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
