trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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