can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
