I met the friendliest cop last night
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I am available for nakedness
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
