'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
