he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
We left an ass print on the piano.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
