It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize