half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
