I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
