I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
