FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
