it was like his penis was on wheels.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
