He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
