Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
