i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I am naked and annoyed.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
