Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
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