the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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