I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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